


Endings and Lies

by GuardianDreamer



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Friendship, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-08 00:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17376254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuardianDreamer/pseuds/GuardianDreamer
Summary: As Goro Akechi spends some time with the leader of the Phantom Thieves, he thinks about his own life and how fake it feels. Major lategame spoilers for Persona 5.





	Endings and Lies

As far as he could remember, Goro Akechi hated the very concept of endings. Happy endings, sad endings, bittersweet endings, absurd endings, all of them seemed to him like a promise of something that wasn’t actually real. Detectives as a general rule weren’t particularly fond of things they couldn’t explain, and as different as he was from other detectives, in this one specific regard he felt a kinship with the rest of the people who shared his job title. No matter what kind of ending he tried to picture for himself, it always felt fake. Whether it was the most saccharine conclusion he could come up with, or the most macabre tragic ending, none of them felt like things that could actually happen to him, things that he could reach. The answer as to why was obvious. He couldn’t imagine things changing. He couldn’t imagine NOT working for Shido for the rest of his life. The fact that one of them would have to die before the other did barely seemed like a real concept to him either. It was inexplicable and absurd, but it was the mindset that he went about his life with.

Maybe that was why he hated the Phantom Thieves. Maybe that was why he loved them. A promise of change and a fight for a happier ending seemed to him like a fight that shouldn’t be possible to partake in at all. And yet despite his skepticism, he had to acknowledge that the Phantom Thieves truly believed in what they were doing. It seemed to come so easily and naturally to them. He most hated it when he heard them talk about their potential career options or how they would otherwise spend their lives. It hurt too much to see them so happy over something he couldn’t believe in. He tried to draw some kind of absurd comparison to highlight how different their reality seemed, but nothing seemed absurd enough.

None of these thoughts showed on his expression, of course. He was smiling, as he often did, an expression that he had been forced to grow accustomed to if he wanted to get anywhere in his life. Even disregarding everything to do with Shido, he knew that a smile was necessary in order to keep up his image as a detective prince. People didn’t like to see someone who they had built up a mental picture of fail to conform to that image. Yet he felt the urge to just drop all of that for a moment. The thought had crossed his mind several times, but always in a way that came with the added baggage of knowing it would destroy everything he was working towards. So why did it feel so different around Joker?

Joker. That was the name of the person who had welcomed him as a comrade and peer, and the one who had made the coffee that he was now drinking. Of course, Joker was technically a codename, but Goro Akechi knew better than to assume that identity was a fake one. No, quite the opposite, in fact. Joker technically had a ‘real name’ that he went by as a student, but if asked to identify the real name between the two, he would always go with Joker. It was something that Joker himself had chosen and that represented who he truly was, rather than the mask of the diligent student that he presented to the rest of the world. … Of course, you couldn’t have separate identities without one bleeding into the other, so the ‘diligent student’ was still there in part even when Joker was himself. Akechi knew that better than anyone, though it was knowledge that he wished the world hadn’t seen fit to bestow him with.

“Can I ask you something?” Akechi found himself speaking before he even knew what he was going to ask. He wanted, somehow, for Joker to look into his eyes and magically know exactly what he was going through. To understand everything, all while Akechi himself avoided the negative consequences that such an act would cause. An absurd fantasy, then.

Joker stopped washing the mug that he had been cleaning and glanced in Akechi’s direction, a clear sign that he was okay with being asked the question. Their eyes met. … Maybe it was an extremely inopportune time to make this observation, but Joker really did have beautiful eyes. Well, maybe he needed to correct himself. Joker’s eyes were extremely unremarkable and seemed devoid of life when he acted his role as a student. But when he didn’t have to maintain that image, his eyes changed. He had to wonder if that was something that had always been true, or if his adventures with the Phantom Thieves had caused it to manifest.

Well, what could he say, then? Once again, as their eyes were locked, he hoped that Joker would somehow magically find out everything and that it would all be fine. But he knew that it couldn’t happen that way. If Joker found out the truth about the detective prince… Akechi knew that he would be at a crossroads. And it wasn’t a choice that he wanted to make. He understood why so many people relied on Joker for things. It seemed almost unfair, really. As far as he could tell, Joker somehow found time to be a part of the Phantom Thieves, study for classes, maintain an impressively diverse social circle, and also found the time to work a few different part-time jobs when needed.

Yes. It seemed far too cruel to burden him with this too. Or maybe Akechi was just looking for an excuse to spare himself from revealing everything, even though that would make the eventual clash that much more painful. Instead, he came up with something else.

“This coffee is a lot better than what they have down at the police station. Maybe I should start coming here every day instead. What do you think?” Akechi let out a small laugh, one that he himself knew was faked, yet one that he so desperately wished was genuine. It really would be nice to be able to see Joker every day. He wanted to say that running the place would be a great career move, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He couldn’t see a future where he’d live long enough to see that, so imagining Joker as the sole owner brought a pain to his chest that he didn’t want to deal with.

“You sounded so serious there. Why don’t I teach you how to make it later?” Joker’s answer seemed to imply he was serious about the offer. Akechi slowly shook his head, fake-laughing it off while he muttered some excuse about being terrible with coffee. Which wasn’t true. He was nowhere near Joker’s level, but if he found it necessary, he could take Joker’s lessons and learn.

But he didn’t want to run out of excuses to spend time with him.

He didn’t want to run out of excuses to spend time with any of the Phantom Thieves, now that he thought about it, though Joker most of all.

Yes. Even if it ended in heartbreak… He would do his best to be a part of their world for as long as he could. Until the day came when he couldn’t pretend any longer.

He wished he could truly be a part of their world, without feeling like he was deceiving them. Without feeling like he was deceiving himself. But in lieu of that, he promised himself to value the time they did have together, before it ran out.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a gift to my friend Joe, who loves the character of Goro Akechi and who gave me a gift, so I decided to return the favor. I don't know if I would have tried to explore Akechi's character otherwise, but it was a lot of fun doing so. I think that he has a lot of untapped potential that could have been brought out more if we got his perspective a lot more often than we do.
> 
> I thought for a while about whether to mark this as a shipping fic or not, but I decided against it. I suppose you could interpret it either way. I wanted the focus to be on how Akechi perceives his relationships and I think that works regardless of how you view his relationship with Joker. This fic ended up being a lot sadder than I intended it to, but short of making it an AU, I guess I should have expected that it would take a turn for sadness. I hope people are able to get something out of it regardless. I can't say for sure how other people interpret Akechi, but I hope my take was interesting enough. Thanks for reading.


End file.
